B.A.M is now on Twitter!! Yes, I finally gave in and created a Twitter account, regarless of how dirty it sounds when I say that I Tweeted. But this will actually be a blesing in disguise because I always have just random thoughts when I see a new trailer or a movie news article but it's never enough for a full post. And as I make he move to my own domain I will be sure to give updates. Anyways, check out and follow the B.A.M Twitter page.
Hey guys,
Sorry it's been so long since my last post, the past month has been eventful to say the least. I just wanted put a post up letting you know whats been keeping me busy. First, more posts are on the way and I plan to update the site more frequently then before. But more importantly, I have been researching into moving B.A.M to its own domain and taking the site to the next level. But while I work on this new venture I want FEEDBACK, and lots of it. I want comments telling me something that you want to see in a movie site, something you've seen done by others or something that you have never seen but you want to see. Also if has any advice for making the move to a domain feel free to click on the Contact Me button at the top of the page and let me know. So that's it, talk to you guys soon.
Sorry it's been so long since my last post, the past month has been eventful to say the least. I just wanted put a post up letting you know whats been keeping me busy. First, more posts are on the way and I plan to update the site more frequently then before. But more importantly, I have been researching into moving B.A.M to its own domain and taking the site to the next level. But while I work on this new venture I want FEEDBACK, and lots of it. I want comments telling me something that you want to see in a movie site, something you've seen done by others or something that you have never seen but you want to see. Also if has any advice for making the move to a domain feel free to click on the Contact Me button at the top of the page and let me know. So that's it, talk to you guys soon.
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I've been reminiscing lately on movies from my childhood which has inspired many new post ideas. This first one for you guys is some of my favorite movies from when I was a kid that I, and all children, probably should have never seen.
Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
I thought I would pick the most obvious one first. The story of of a candy maker letting children in his factory is fine, the perpetual homicide of each child is not though. Most kids may not realize the reason for less and less characters as the movie progresses and only focus on the candy but there has to a few that see it. Lets not even mention the boat ride scene in the original...I'll just remind you:
Tim Burton's remake is no better either, I think the introduction of Willy Wonka when the singing dolls burst into fire and burn midst song says enough.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
One of my favorite movies of all time but you can be certain when I have a kid this DVD is staying on the shelf for a while. Nothing like a talking skeleton, two faced mayor, mad scientist (with a removable top of the head) and a monster made completely out of bugs to get into the Christmas spirit. There's not much else to say about this one, it's very self explanatory. I will say that Tim Burton is children as racism is to minorities.
Labyrinth
Labyrinth is not as obvious as the previous one's but let me explain. Now I at least saw this when I was a kid, perhaps my parents just didn't like me but I know I wasn't the only one. It's just a dark movie, and David Bowie in a skin tight suit with a cod piece is inappropriate for children and can cause much mental scarring. Not to mention that I still sing "you remind me of the babe? what babe? the babe with the power? what power? the power of voodoo?" EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE!!
Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus isn't that bad but more the underlying story behind it that is just wrong. It's the story of three witches trying to capture and kill a virgin boy. I think that a children's movie that makes it seem wrong to be a virgin is a little weird, this movie came out when I was five...I didn't really have a choice. Along the same lines, Sarah Jessica Parker added alot of sexuality to her character, which is fine when I watch it now but I believe that might have been for the dad's taking their kids to the theater.
The Witches
It's been a LONG time since I've seen this movie and my memory of it is very fuzzy. All I remember is a boy mutating into a mouse (much like the scene from American Warewolf in London) and the creepiest looking witch I have ever seen...that's almost twenty years past and I still remember.
Toys
I know...I know...Toys was never meant to be a kids movie. I put it on here because although it was never advertised as a kids movie it's very misleading. I saw this when I was still at a age to be considered a "kid" and I think when Joan Cusack's character is standing at her fathers grave, complete with a memorial that has a continuous laugh track, I realized that this is probably for an older audience. A great movie though.
Adams Family
Was it the cemetery in the backyard or the brother and sister that try to kill each other in the most horrific ways possible that caused filmmakers to give it a family genre stamp. Lets not forget the hour and a half foreplay between Gomez and Morticia. Just because "family" is in the title does not make it a "family" movie.
James and the Giant Peach
The second half is fine and dandy but lets look at the first hour. It follows young James as his parents are killed by a rhinoceros from the heavens and he is forced to live with his aunts that practically whore for money and make him their slave. "Honey! I'll be right back, I'm gunna put the fear of us dying into the kids minds early in life!"
Monster House
Its about a house possessed by a dead obese women that EATS people! And it was in 3D!!
What movie ruined your childhood?
Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
I thought I would pick the most obvious one first. The story of of a candy maker letting children in his factory is fine, the perpetual homicide of each child is not though. Most kids may not realize the reason for less and less characters as the movie progresses and only focus on the candy but there has to a few that see it. Lets not even mention the boat ride scene in the original...I'll just remind you:
Tim Burton's remake is no better either, I think the introduction of Willy Wonka when the singing dolls burst into fire and burn midst song says enough.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
One of my favorite movies of all time but you can be certain when I have a kid this DVD is staying on the shelf for a while. Nothing like a talking skeleton, two faced mayor, mad scientist (with a removable top of the head) and a monster made completely out of bugs to get into the Christmas spirit. There's not much else to say about this one, it's very self explanatory. I will say that Tim Burton is children as racism is to minorities.
Labyrinth
Labyrinth is not as obvious as the previous one's but let me explain. Now I at least saw this when I was a kid, perhaps my parents just didn't like me but I know I wasn't the only one. It's just a dark movie, and David Bowie in a skin tight suit with a cod piece is inappropriate for children and can cause much mental scarring. Not to mention that I still sing "you remind me of the babe? what babe? the babe with the power? what power? the power of voodoo?" EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE!!
Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus isn't that bad but more the underlying story behind it that is just wrong. It's the story of three witches trying to capture and kill a virgin boy. I think that a children's movie that makes it seem wrong to be a virgin is a little weird, this movie came out when I was five...I didn't really have a choice. Along the same lines, Sarah Jessica Parker added alot of sexuality to her character, which is fine when I watch it now but I believe that might have been for the dad's taking their kids to the theater.
The Witches
It's been a LONG time since I've seen this movie and my memory of it is very fuzzy. All I remember is a boy mutating into a mouse (much like the scene from American Warewolf in London) and the creepiest looking witch I have ever seen...that's almost twenty years past and I still remember.
Toys
I know...I know...Toys was never meant to be a kids movie. I put it on here because although it was never advertised as a kids movie it's very misleading. I saw this when I was still at a age to be considered a "kid" and I think when Joan Cusack's character is standing at her fathers grave, complete with a memorial that has a continuous laugh track, I realized that this is probably for an older audience. A great movie though.
Adams Family
Was it the cemetery in the backyard or the brother and sister that try to kill each other in the most horrific ways possible that caused filmmakers to give it a family genre stamp. Lets not forget the hour and a half foreplay between Gomez and Morticia. Just because "family" is in the title does not make it a "family" movie.
James and the Giant Peach
The second half is fine and dandy but lets look at the first hour. It follows young James as his parents are killed by a rhinoceros from the heavens and he is forced to live with his aunts that practically whore for money and make him their slave. "Honey! I'll be right back, I'm gunna put the fear of us dying into the kids minds early in life!"
Monster House
Its about a house possessed by a dead obese women that EATS people! And it was in 3D!!
What movie ruined your childhood?
Hey guys,
Check out this amazing trailer from first time writer/director David Spaltro's film Around. He is currently in the works of possible theater and/or DVD release, I will have more for you guys later.
Check out this amazing trailer from first time writer/director David Spaltro's film Around. He is currently in the works of possible theater and/or DVD release, I will have more for you guys later.
Now, before you say anything please don't judge it by its name. I came across this movie last month on Comedy Central and was pleasantly surprised. IMDB summarizes The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang as:Young, fantasy/sci-fi aficionado Gavin Gore and his friends stumble onto some huge footprints in the woods. A local cop, reporter and a renowned Sasquatch authority investigate, while two of Gavin's dim-witted neighbors hatch a scheme to profit from the situation.
It's made by the same guys who did Napoleon Dynamite and it's obvious. If your a fan of ND you'll definitely be fan of this one, it carries the same nerdy pathetic humor that Jon Heder mastered. Honestly though, Justin Long and Joey Kern made the entire movie, a lot like how The Dark Knight was amazing but only because of Heath Ledger. Anyways(in a voice like I'm trying to get out of a uncomfortable conversation), The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang is a hilarious nerdy movie that all can enjoy.
Just thought I'd go off on a quick rant about some things that doesn't just get on my last nerve, but gets on, sexually assaults it, steals all of its money and gives it a black eye.
"That Show"
Everyone has heard this before but you might not have realized it, my girlfriend does this all the time, when someone calls a movie a "show". Let me give an example:
The Office is a show, Heroes is a show, Cast Away is MOVIE (film or talking picture show is also acceptable).
Everyone In The Theater But Me
I know that's selfish and kinda self centered but it's true...I know you feel the same way. I will find something that distracts me from my movie every time I go. When I see a movie I really like to get lost in the movie and for a few hours just become oblivious to the world. Not just the normal talkng or candy wrappers annoy me, that's just childs play. Here's a list:
Minors
The theater by my house is an extremely nice one and since there is nothing else to do in town, every Friday it gets swarmed with kids ranging from 13 to 17 (think of Gremlins except they multiply regardless of what time you feed them or if they touch water). One memory that sticks in my mind was when I saw the Grudge 2. For those of who spent your money wisely I'll exlain as much as possible. Throughout the whole movie is quick shots of "cat boys" feet and hands to scare the audience. Now I'm sure that you, like me, are saying right now "what the f***?". Everytime a scene like this went across the screen I regreted my life decisions more and more but that was quickly interupted by scream of about a hundred 14 year old girls screaming like the Jonas Brother took off their purity rings. One word came to mind...grenade. I'll end with this, I haven't seen a PG-13 movie on a weekend since.
Pay Attention!
Everyone knows, wants to murder, this person. They people that ask every two minutes for you to summarize the plot up to this point. Now, I can understand if I took my girlfriend to see Sin City or maybe someone unfamiliar with Star Wars to see those fims, but if you have to ask me half way through Armagedon what's going on I'm going to assume that you wear a helmet when you're not around me. IT'S SIMPLE, ASTEROID'S COMING, THEIR TRYING TO STOP IT!!! Every time you buy a movie ticket it should come with Cliff Notes for people like that.
I'm Not Ready For My Close Up
This one might be a little wierd but I can't stand a scene in movie where camera is 3 inches away from the actors face. I very rarely find a close up that I think was nessasary. This is especially true when there's two poeple talking in the scene, and instead of zomming out and showing both talking it goes back and forth from close up to close up of them talking to each other. If I wanted to see their face that close I would stalk them.
That Guy From That Movie
A little less common but I see it all the time. This is people who when refering to an actor will compare them only to their last movie, which usually ends up their worst. For example (if talking about Samuel L. Jackson), this person would say:
Yes! Him, not the guy who played the ultimate badass in Pulp Fiction and lets forget his amazing performance in The Caveman's Valentine...he's the motherf***in snakes guy, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find something hard to hit you with.
Honarable Mentions:
People who commantate every preview
People who immediatly say their opinions of the movie the second it ends
People who laugh at every single joke, even if it sucks
People who like the book better than the movie
People who tell you they like the book better than the movie
People who try to explain to you why the book is better than the movie(ok I'm done now)
People who want to leave in the middle of the bloopers
What annoys you? Leave a comment and let me know.
"That Show"
Everyone has heard this before but you might not have realized it, my girlfriend does this all the time, when someone calls a movie a "show". Let me give an example:
Me: Tom Hanks is my favorite actor
My Girlfriend: Ya, he was really good in that SHOW with the volleyball
Me: AHHHHHHHHH!!!
The Office is a show, Heroes is a show, Cast Away is MOVIE (film or talking picture show is also acceptable).
Everyone In The Theater But Me
I know that's selfish and kinda self centered but it's true...I know you feel the same way. I will find something that distracts me from my movie every time I go. When I see a movie I really like to get lost in the movie and for a few hours just become oblivious to the world. Not just the normal talkng or candy wrappers annoy me, that's just childs play. Here's a list:
1.)People who go to the movies sick and sniffle and cough the whole time. I'm guilty of doing this but still, I'm tempted to go the local pharmacy and come back.
2.)People who repeat every funny line in a movie. If the punchline is "to get to the other side" they would laugh ludly and in the midst of their chuckle that makes me wish I liked T.V. more than movies they will repeat "the other side".
3.)People who text! Although I appreciate their attempt to not interupt the movie with them talking, instead I now have blueish glow in my peripherals which only make it easier for them, and everyone else, to see me beat them over the head with their phone that costs more than my car.
This all leads me to my next one...
Minors
The theater by my house is an extremely nice one and since there is nothing else to do in town, every Friday it gets swarmed with kids ranging from 13 to 17 (think of Gremlins except they multiply regardless of what time you feed them or if they touch water). One memory that sticks in my mind was when I saw the Grudge 2. For those of who spent your money wisely I'll exlain as much as possible. Throughout the whole movie is quick shots of "cat boys" feet and hands to scare the audience. Now I'm sure that you, like me, are saying right now "what the f***?". Everytime a scene like this went across the screen I regreted my life decisions more and more but that was quickly interupted by scream of about a hundred 14 year old girls screaming like the Jonas Brother took off their purity rings. One word came to mind...grenade. I'll end with this, I haven't seen a PG-13 movie on a weekend since.
Pay Attention!
Everyone knows, wants to murder, this person. They people that ask every two minutes for you to summarize the plot up to this point. Now, I can understand if I took my girlfriend to see Sin City or maybe someone unfamiliar with Star Wars to see those fims, but if you have to ask me half way through Armagedon what's going on I'm going to assume that you wear a helmet when you're not around me. IT'S SIMPLE, ASTEROID'S COMING, THEIR TRYING TO STOP IT!!! Every time you buy a movie ticket it should come with Cliff Notes for people like that.
I'm Not Ready For My Close Up
This one might be a little wierd but I can't stand a scene in movie where camera is 3 inches away from the actors face. I very rarely find a close up that I think was nessasary. This is especially true when there's two poeple talking in the scene, and instead of zomming out and showing both talking it goes back and forth from close up to close up of them talking to each other. If I wanted to see their face that close I would stalk them.
That Guy From That Movie
A little less common but I see it all the time. This is people who when refering to an actor will compare them only to their last movie, which usually ends up their worst. For example (if talking about Samuel L. Jackson), this person would say:
"Oh, the guy from Snakes on a Plane? Then they would say the "I'm tired of the motherf***in snakes" line.
Yes! Him, not the guy who played the ultimate badass in Pulp Fiction and lets forget his amazing performance in The Caveman's Valentine...he's the motherf***in snakes guy, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find something hard to hit you with.
Honarable Mentions:
People who commantate every preview
People who immediatly say their opinions of the movie the second it ends
People who laugh at every single joke, even if it sucks
People who like the book better than the movie
People who tell you they like the book better than the movie
People who try to explain to you why the book is better than the movie(ok I'm done now)
People who want to leave in the middle of the bloopers
What annoys you? Leave a comment and let me know.
After spending almost twenty one years watching countless movies with encounters and events that are only believable in the minds of Hollywood. So, I decided to write some brief descriptions of what would really happen if these took place in real life. Keep in mind that every movie I list I love, I'm just pointing out the obvious.
Happy Gilmore
If Happy wasn't already in jail for attacking his hockey coach, after throwing a government employee through a glass door down a flight of stairs he most certainly would have been imprisoned...End of the movie.
The Boondock Saints
The Russian mobster would have shot the McManus brothers in the loft...End of the movie.
Home Alone
Not that I need to say it but I will anyways. Let's try not even fathom the idea of an entire family forgetting a member of it and look past that two adult thief's didn't just shoot Kevin. If he made it to the end of the movie Kevin's parents would be turned over to child services, preventing sequels...End of the movie.
The Dark Knight
The last of The Jokers henchmen would have just shot him in the bank...End of the movie.
The Notebook
Allie never would have written the "notebook" because she has Alzheimer's...End of the movie.
Reservoir Dogs
With the amount of blood coming out of Mr. Orange throughout the film, he would have died from blood loss shortly after arriving at the warehouse...Not ending the film but definitely taking out the twist and preventing the big ending shoot out.
Cheaper by the Dozen
The Baker family would have gotten a television show on TLC along side with Jon and Kate Plus 8, ridding of their need to move for Tom's new job...End of the movie.
Titanic
Jack would have lost the card game, never winning the tickets...End of the movie.
Half Baked
They would have stayed in and ordered a pizza...End of the movie.
Back to the Future
The Libyan terrorists shoot Doc Brown and Marty...End of the movie. (Unless Einstein drives the DeLorean)
Happy Gilmore
If Happy wasn't already in jail for attacking his hockey coach, after throwing a government employee through a glass door down a flight of stairs he most certainly would have been imprisoned...End of the movie.
The Boondock Saints
The Russian mobster would have shot the McManus brothers in the loft...End of the movie.
Home Alone
Not that I need to say it but I will anyways. Let's try not even fathom the idea of an entire family forgetting a member of it and look past that two adult thief's didn't just shoot Kevin. If he made it to the end of the movie Kevin's parents would be turned over to child services, preventing sequels...End of the movie.
The Dark Knight
The last of The Jokers henchmen would have just shot him in the bank...End of the movie.
The Notebook
Allie never would have written the "notebook" because she has Alzheimer's...End of the movie.
Reservoir Dogs
With the amount of blood coming out of Mr. Orange throughout the film, he would have died from blood loss shortly after arriving at the warehouse...Not ending the film but definitely taking out the twist and preventing the big ending shoot out.
Cheaper by the Dozen
The Baker family would have gotten a television show on TLC along side with Jon and Kate Plus 8, ridding of their need to move for Tom's new job...End of the movie.
Titanic
Jack would have lost the card game, never winning the tickets...End of the movie.
Half Baked
They would have stayed in and ordered a pizza...End of the movie.
Back to the Future
The Libyan terrorists shoot Doc Brown and Marty...End of the movie. (Unless Einstein drives the DeLorean)
