I've been reminiscing lately on movies from my childhood which has inspired many new post ideas. This first one for you guys is some of my favorite movies from when I was a kid that I, and all children, probably should have never seen.

Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
I thought I would pick the most obvious one first. The story of of a candy maker letting children in his factory is fine, the perpetual homicide of each child is not though. Most kids may not realize the reason for less and less characters as the movie progresses and only focus on the candy but there has to a few that see it. Lets not even mention the boat ride scene in the original...I'll just remind you:



Tim Burton's remake is no better either, I think the introduction of Willy Wonka when the singing dolls burst into fire and burn midst song says enough.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
One of my favorite movies of all time but you can be certain when I have a kid this DVD is staying on the shelf for a while. Nothing like a talking skeleton, two faced mayor, mad scientist (with a removable top of the head) and a monster made completely out of bugs to get into the Christmas spirit. There's not much else to say about this one, it's very self explanatory. I will say that Tim Burton is children as racism is to minorities.

Labyrinth
Labyrinth is not as obvious as the previous one's but let me explain. Now I at least saw this when I was a kid, perhaps my parents just didn't like me but I know I wasn't the only one. It's just a dark movie, and David Bowie in a skin tight suit with a cod piece is inappropriate for children and can cause much mental scarring. Not to mention that I still sing "you remind me of the babe? what babe? the babe with the power? what power? the power of voodoo?" EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE!!

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus isn't that bad but more the underlying story behind it that is just wrong. It's the story of three witches trying to capture and kill a virgin boy. I think that a children's movie that makes it seem wrong to be a virgin is a little weird, this movie came out when I was five...I didn't really have a choice. Along the same lines, Sarah Jessica Parker added alot of sexuality to her character, which is fine when I watch it now but I believe that might have been for the dad's taking their kids to the theater.

The Witches
It's been a LONG time since I've seen this movie and my memory of it is very fuzzy. All I remember is a boy mutating into a mouse (much like the scene from American Warewolf in London) and the creepiest looking witch I have ever seen...that's almost twenty years past and I still remember.



Toys
I know...I know...Toys was never meant to be a kids movie. I put it on here because although it was never advertised as a kids movie it's very misleading. I saw this when I was still at a age to be considered a "kid" and I think when Joan Cusack's character is standing at her fathers grave, complete with a memorial that has a continuous laugh track, I realized that this is probably for an older audience. A great movie though.

Adams Family
Was it the cemetery in the backyard or the brother and sister that try to kill each other in the most horrific ways possible that caused filmmakers to give it a family genre stamp. Lets not forget the hour and a half foreplay between Gomez and Morticia. Just because "family" is in the title does not make it a "family" movie.

James and the Giant Peach
The second half is fine and dandy but lets look at the first hour. It follows young James as his parents are killed by a rhinoceros from the heavens and he is forced to live with his aunts that practically whore for money and make him their slave. "Honey! I'll be right back, I'm gunna put the fear of us dying into the kids minds early in life!"

Monster House
Its about a house possessed by a dead obese women that EATS people! And it was in 3D!!

What movie ruined your childhood?

After spending almost twenty one years watching countless movies with encounters and events that are only believable in the minds of Hollywood. So, I decided to write some brief descriptions of what would really happen if these took place in real life. Keep in mind that every movie I list I love, I'm just pointing out the obvious.



Happy Gilmore
If Happy wasn't already in jail for attacking his hockey coach, after throwing a government employee through a glass door down a flight of stairs he most certainly would have been imprisoned...End of the movie.

The Boondock Saints
The Russian mobster would have shot the McManus brothers in the loft...End of the movie.

Home Alone
Not that I need to say it but I will anyways. Let's try not even fathom the idea of an entire family forgetting a member of it and look past that two adult thief's didn't just shoot Kevin. If he made it to the end of the movie Kevin's parents would be turned over to child services, preventing sequels...End of the movie.

The Dark Knight
The last of The Jokers henchmen would have just shot him in the bank...End of the movie.

The Notebook
Allie never would have written the "notebook" because she has Alzheimer's...End of the movie.



Reservoir Dogs
With the amount of blood coming out of Mr. Orange throughout the film, he would have died from blood loss shortly after arriving at the warehouse...Not ending the film but definitely taking out the twist and preventing the big ending shoot out.

Cheaper by the Dozen
The Baker family would have gotten a television show on TLC along side with Jon and Kate Plus 8, ridding of their need to move for Tom's new job...End of the movie.

Titanic
Jack would have lost the card game, never winning the tickets...End of the movie.

Half Baked
They would have stayed in and ordered a pizza...End of the movie.

Back to the Future
The Libyan terrorists shoot Doc Brown and Marty...End of the movie. (Unless Einstein drives the DeLorean)

I get tired of having to explain classic movies to people like my girlfriend or my dad. So, I've compiled these twenty unforgettable movies and summarized them in one sentence each to save time when the need for explaining comes up.

1.) Titanic- Poor guy and rich girl on a boat, they rock the boat then the boat hits a rock.
2.) Requim for a Dream- Black guy and a white guy do heroin, alot.
3.) Half Baked- Four guys smoke weed, one gets arrested and the others deal to get him out.
4.) Shawshank Redemption- An accountant goes to jail, breaks out of jail.
5.) Die Hard- New York cop stops terrorists from robbing a office building.
6.) Die Hard 2- New York cop stops terrorists from crashing planes.
7.) Die Hard 3- New York cop stops terrorists from blowing up a school.
8.) Die Hard 4- New York cop and computer hacker stop terrorists from taking all the countries money. (recognized a trend yet?)
9.) Willy Wonka- Crazy candy maker shuts down his factory, lets random kids in and gives the factory to one.
10.) Reservoir Dogs- 6 criminals rob a jewelry store, one's a cop, everybody dies.
11.) Forest Gump- Mentally challenged guy plays college football, fights a war, gets shot, plays ping pong, runs a shrimping boat, falls in love and has a son.
12.) Back to the Future- Scientist and a high school kid go back in time and screw up then fix his parents future relationship.
13.) Scarface- Cuban comes to America and makes alot of money selling cocaine and gets shot.
14.) American Pie- High School kids tried to get laid before prom.
15.) Saving Private Ryan- Soldiers in WWII...save private Ryan.
16.) No Country for Old Men- Cowboy finds money, Spanish hitman kills cowboy.
17.) The Sixth Sense- Kid can see ghosts, makes friends with Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis is a ghost.
18.) Jaws- Big shark eats a bunch of people.
19.) Lake Placid- Big alligator eats a bunch of people.
20.) Snakes on a Plane- Bad acting and snakes on a plane.

For the fist installment of "Shouldn't be forgotten movie" I choose 2005's action/drama/thriller Hostage. Bruce Willis plays Jeff Tally, a hostage negotiator, but after a stand off gone wrong takes a year long hiatus as a small town sheriff until three troubled teens decide to rob Walter Smiths, Kevin Pollack's, mansion forcing Sheriff Tally to resume his old position. Bruce Willis' role as Jeff Tally and Ben Foster's role as Mars are roles that can be compared to the likes of Di Nero in Taxi Driver. All in all Hostage has amazingly shot action scenes, intense drama, incredible acting and the look of pre Sin City and 300...and "Shouldn't be forgotten".

There's not much back story to this one. I just thought of a bunch of T.V. shows, past and present, that would make pretty awesome movies.

-The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross
It would be the most relaxing hour to two hours of your life

-Intervention
Starring Gary Busey as the addict and Dr. Phil as the intervention specialist

-Legends of the Hidden Temple
Picture Indiana Jones except there is no real threat to Indy

-Americas Funniest Videos
A PG version of Jackass but with more nut shots

-The Real World
Starring Neil Patrick Harris as the gay guy, John Cena as the jock, Jake Gyllenhaal as the pretty boy with a heart, Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan as the drunk girls, Shannen Doherty as the crazy girl, and Samuel L Jackson as the angry black guy

Sex Drive is the American Pie of the new generation. With Josh Zuckerman as Jim and Clark Duke and James Marsden sharing the characteristics of Stiffler. The plot is one seen many times, the loser trying to have sex with the "hot" girl but ends up falling in love with the "other" girl. Despite the plot repetedness, it's hilarious. Writers John Morris and Sean Anders don't wait to start making you laugh and never let up. You can count on endless sex jokes and the crude humor that can only come from a movie titled Sex Drive. An added plus is variety of cameos by some great acts. People like Seth Green, John Ross Bowie, David Koechner, Brian Posehn and Fall Out Boy(ya...random). The DVD offers a unrated version of the film that is well worth the money and adds an extra little kick but on the downside, the only special feature is filmaker commentary. One last mentionable aspect of the movies comedy is the use of music. The filmakers use of music to enhance laughs was very well done (not too much...just right). All in all, a good movie for a great laugh.

As I see more and more movies coming out that are remakes of past books, comics or movies...I wonder. What will be the next source of pre-created stories or characters that Hollywood will tap into? I believe what sparked this pondering was the announcement of movie remakes of Hasbro toys. So again, what's next? A remake based off the "hang in there" kitty poster? I'll give you the answer, (long pause), cereal box characters. Can't you just see the Tim Burton version now, or maybe Micheal Bay will take it and blow it out of proportions like everything he does. I picture it very much like The Breakfast Club, no pun intended. Tony the Tiger is the bully jock, Count Chocula is the the gothic kid, the Trix Rabbit is the depressed kid that is always picked on for being a silly rabbit, Frankenberry is the dumb fat kid and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun is the foreign exchange student. The sad thing is that although this is meant to be comical there's a strong possibility of this actually coming true. Hollywood has grown a fear of an original film and are going to extremes to avoid one. It all started with Blade, once Hollywood saw that a movie based on a comic could thrive at the box office the idea was jumped on like hungry wolves to a carcus. I will admit it was entertaining at first, seeing what will be remade next was exciting, but it's getting ridiculous. It's like candy, the first few peices are good and you get a little suger buzz but after a few boxes your sick and left with depression after the high. It appears that comedy is the last source of originality, with its few exceptions. But I'm suprised that anime hasn't made its way to the big screen, and yes i'm not including the upcoming Dragonball Z movie because from the clips i've seen it looks less than noteworthy. I am no where ner an anime fan, much the opposite, but I feel that every genre deserves it's 15 minutes and I think its time. Much like what Blade did to comics and graphic novels one good anime remake would start the trend.

In this decade of sequels I got to thinking of movies that are safe from being continued in a sequel. I decided on the following ten movies that there will never be a sequel to. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if they found a way to.

Pootie Tang 2
In the sequel the government has reason to believe that Pootie is in immigrant, due to his speech, and is forced to take English classes
Gigli 2
The sequel will actually be a self help video for people thinking about suicide to show that their life isn't that bad
Deep Impact 2
The sequel could either take place after the impact and be identical to The Day After Tomorrow or take place before anybody know the "impact" was coming and would just be two meteorologists waiting for something to happen talking about Armageddon
Saving Private Ryan 2
That Ryan character can't just stay out of trouble
Just One of the Guys 2
In the sequel her brother will dress up like a girl
In the Army Now 2
Who in Hollywood would say no to another movie starring Pauly Shore AND Andy Dick?
Surf Ninjas 2
There could actually be a sequel to Surf Ninjas but it will never happen because you're probably asking right now, Surf Ninjas?
Forest Gump 2
What else could he possibly do?
The Breakfast Club 2
After they're all threatened with expulsion they serve their detention time and go home...nothing happens
Cast Away 2
If Tom Hanks is stupid enough to get on another plane and unlucky enough to get stranded on an island again, he would most likely kill himself.

Got some more? Let me know.

I thought I would list a few movies that are being released within the next few years, some may be a shock to you. According to ComingSoon.net

G.I. Joes: The Rise Of The Cobra-August 7 2009

Final Destination: Death Trip(3D)-August 21 2009

Saw IV-October 23 2009The Wolfman-November 6 2009

An Untitled Three Stooges Project-November 20 2009

Toy Story 2(3D)-February 12 2010

An Untitled Bob Marley Documentary-February 6 2010

Alice In Wonderland-March 5 2010

Iron Man 2-May 7 2010

Shrek Goes Fourth-May 21 2010

The A-Team-June 11 2010

Toy Story 3-June 18 2010

Green Hornet-June 25 2010

Thor-July 16 2010

Hairspray 2-July 2010

The Smurfs-December 17 2010

The First Avenger: Captain America-May 6 2011

Spiderman 4-May 2011

Kung Fu Panda 2-June 3 2001

Cars 2-June 24 2011

The Avengers-July 15th 2011

The Hobbit-December 2011

Ripleys believe it or not!-2011

Terminator 5-2011

The Hobbit Sequel-December 2012

Writer Rob McKittrick and Jeff Balis, except as director, team up for the sequel to 2005's Waiting. Right off the back I can say that this is not like most straight to DVD movies, it's actually good. It's filled with the dirty jokes and inappropriate comments that can only follow a movie like Waiting. Filmmakers did a fantastic job developing a new plot while keeping the same formula for comedy used in the 1st film and the incorporation of the old characters into the story without being a few quick corny cameos (alliteration unintended) was also well done. On the downside, the sequel and the original are practically identical. Although the plot is entirely different; characters, certain scenes and the idea of "the game" is. Thankfully though the comedy also copies over. Steve Howey's character Agnew acts as the clone of Ryan Reynolds character from the first. It's obvious that Agnew is supposed to be less of the like able jerk and more of just a jerk but it doesn't translate and you end up liking his mean, sarcastic attitude. John Micheal Higgins character Dennis is the current manager of Shenanigans after Dan left for corporate. I have yet to be disappointed by a performance from John Higgins and this is no different. My only problem is that his improvisational talent wasn't shown enough until you get to the DVD special features. Much like the first DVD this one provides an in depth featurette telling the story of how Still Waiting came to be, hilarious bloopers and intersting commentary from McKittrick and Balis.

For those who have at least seen one horror movie have encountered but may not have noticed these guidelines. Now, it's titled "10 Rules of horror movies" but the genre of horror has expanded nowadays. These rules mostly apply to the "slasher" films, for example Halloween or more recently Prom Night or My Bloody Valentine.

1.) Someone always has to have sex
2.) The people who do have sex, always die
3.) There must always be alcohol and/or drugs
4.) If the starring or supporting actor is a woman, she will always live
5.) No matter how fast you run the killer will always be faster
6.) Regardless of where the character gets hurt they will always bleed from the mouth
7.) The characters will always be WAY more curious than the average person
8.) They will never shoot/stab/hit the killer in the head
9.) The police will never come but if they do, they don't ever help
10.) I saved this one for last on purpose, out of the main group of characters if the black guy doesn't die within the first half of them...he will not die

If you guys got any leave a comment and let me know.

I've been looking around at different movie blog sites and i've come across some really great sites that offer some really innovative features. So I thought i'd list a few:

http://www.themovieblog.com/

http://themoviebanter.com/

http://notjustmovies.net/

http://wearemoviegeeks.com/about/

http://hollywoodthrowdown.com/

If you type movie blogs into Google it comes up with 49,400,000 results so there are obviously alot more, but check these out to start. I can only hope that one day I will acheive anything close to what they have.

The majority of movies that have come out in the past three or four years, to me, have marked the fall of creative minds in the movie industry. It's a difficult task to see a movie that isn't a remake of a past movie, comic or book; or a sequel of a movie that shouldn't have had a sequel. Now, obviously it takes a large amount of talent to adapt something like a book and put your own spin on it but it's a lot like painting by numbers. The picture (characters and basic plot) is already there and outlined, you just have to fill in the spaces. I need the Pulp Fiction of my generation. On the upside I hate reading, so I do get to see these great stories without turning a page. Even though I have seen and loved all these movies deep down it bothers me that filmmakers saw how well remakes like Spiderman did and decided to take the easy way out to make a quick few million. Would a professor give a student an A for copying a whole paper, then why are these filmmakers making millions from people like me doing the same thing. I don't see an end anywhere in the near future either, by the time they run out of things to remake the remakes of remakes will start. Eventually the same dozen movies will be re-released every summer.

After spending almost twenty one years watching countless movies with encounters and events that are only believable in the minds of Hollywood. So, I decided to write some brief descriptions of what would really happen if these took place in real life. Keep in mind that every movie I list I love, i'm just pointing out the obvious.

Happy Gilmore
If Happy wasn't already in jail for attacking his hockey coach, after throwing a government employee through a glass door down a flight of stairs he most certainly would have been imprisoned...End of the movie.

The Boondock Saints
The Russain mobster would have shot the McManus brothers in the loft...End of the movie.

Home Alone
Not that I need to say it but I will anyways. Let's try not even fathom the idea of an entire family forgetting a member of it and look past that two adult theifs didn't just shoot Kevin. If he made it to the end of the movie Kevin's parents would be turned over to child services, preventing sequels...End of the movie.

The Dark Knight
The last of The Jokers henchmen would have just shot him in the bank...End of the movie.

I will add more, much more, later...

The next long awaited chapter in the Friday the 13th saga "slashed" into theaters this past weekend on, of course, Friday the 13th. Personally I feel much closure after the previous "Jason X". Anyone who has seen one of the past films or any of the classic slasher movies might be hesitant to buy a ticket in fear that it won't live up the expectations created from the hype but let me assure you, it deserves a chance.
Other than one of the most epic opening sequences, "holding back" was obviously not on the mind of the film makers. Jason's new homicidal episode has all the necessary horror movie cliches; sex, drugs, violence and that teenage curiosity of "what that sound was". Micheal Bay and filmmakers attention to certain details was quite impressive. Excluding Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason, it has been over decade since we last saw Voorhees and his age is noticeable. But judging from this movie I wouldn't worry about an early retirement. His mastery of his art that would follow his years of practice is not hidden behind a hockey mask either.
On the down side, Jason's mama's boy personality is played up in this version more than the past. I couldn't help but to compare it to the once masked wrestler Kane's role in See No Evil. Director Marcus Nispel also choose to show many aspects of Jason's day to day life that was better left to the imagination.
In reality though, out of the countless remakes that appear every summer Friday the 13th stays the most true to the originals and pleases die hard Jason Voorhees addicts.

So...I'm new to blogging and it will be obvious as I start writing more. I'm not sure what "niche" I want this to belong to yet, a lot of ideas though. Maybe movie reviews, how to guides, restaurant reviews or some type of discussions. I guess we'll see how this goes.

If anyone has any advice or criticism, feel free to let me know.